After a while...Veronica Shoffstall

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

Anywhere but here

Today is just one of those days where I wish I was anywhere else. It's a dreary, rainy, cool day. Not that this is any differen't from any other day at work, since there are no windows in my office--but it just FEELS different. I know it's rainy and dreary, and there are so many places I'd rather be. So many scenarios sound so much more soothing than sitting here, trudging through the rest of this day.
I do like my job. However, we have been through THREE crazy receptionists in the past six months (maybe less). The third one left last week, so that leaves Laura and myself to do our own work (of which there is plenty), and another person's job as well. It's just TIRING!

So...what would I like to be doing right now?

I was thinking earlier that today would be the PERFECT day to get into my PJs, under an electric blanket, and watch movies on the couch.

But you know what? I thought about that some more, and realized that today would have been a perfect mommy-Kaydie day. We could have done so many different things. We could have played games, had breakfast, watched Yo Gabba Gabba, went for a walk at the mall and people-watched, visited the indoor playground or the indoor pool, gone to story time and Barnes and Noble...

I know how lucky she is to be taken care of by her Grandmother. I know she's probably done one of those several things right now...I just wish I could be doing them with her.

That brings me to my next point, as far-fetched as it may be. I really think that to some extent, being a stay-at-home-mom (or dad for that matter) should be a paying job so that more people could do it. Isn't there something to say for the relationships children form with their mothers and fathers when they spend the greater part of the day with one another? I just feel that if more children spent all day getting unconditional love from their parents, maybe they wouldn't be so apt to discover the roughness of life at such a long age. Maybe they could retain their innocence a little longer. Complete strangers get paid to take care of our children...why can't we?

I guess I also have a hard time knowing that even if it is her Grandma, someone else is hearing her laugh, and someone else is wiping away her tears, and someone else is holding her and hugging her while I trudge through the day here at work...

Gosh, why am I so emotional!